Everyone has those types of days when everything becomes overwhelming. I know I had one the other day. Instead of trying to ascertain the problem, I just lash out at everyone. Don’t get in my way, I’m coming for you. I think it’s from holding everything inside for so long and never saying what you actually mean or want to say that it just explodes.
In the midst of my pity party, I told some truths that needed to be told. I’d look at this person and think, “You have said so many awful things about me, to me and none of it is true.” So, I dropped the bomb and let loose. Do I regret it? Not really? Were they mad. Probably, but I can’t control that.
I decided to watch “Naked and Afraid” All Stars because these were the people that were winners. You know when they went to camp, naked, they were going to win. I watched this woman named Ky from Australia. She caught a chest infection, in the middle of a jungle and cleared it up!! On a team episode (not All Stars), a woman found chanterelle mushrooms and crawfish for her and her partner. She was the stoic, silent woman and I have never seen a man whine so much in my life. He wanted to quit, she didn’t. She told him that he needed to stay and they pulled it together and made it out okay.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I need to put everything into perspective. This is why you have friends. You have acquaintances but you also have good friends. Friends you can say something awful to and they won’t judge you or hate you, they will be your friend. Well, my friend called me up and put everything into perspective. When you hear the reasons for being overwhelmed and all your life decisions bounced back to you in a different way, you start really wondering, “I let this make me mad?” or “I really screwed up that life decision, eh?”
This friend is a good person and with the help of a muscle relaxer and some deep breathing, I went to bed-extremely grateful to them.
Not everyone is as lucky to have friends that you can reach out to like that-anytime, anywhere for anything. I try to be that person, but I also have my bad days too.
I guess what I’m saying is that my behavior-exploding-was not okay. I just was so down in the dumps–super far, I was throwing things up in the air, trying to crawl my way out. Should I have called my friend? Probably. With this whole apocalypse though, no one really knows much of anything. I let a bad day make me say some bad things-they were truths-but not in the way I should have said them and I’m sorry.
This is the part where I insert a graphic and stuff about anxiety.
What do you think? Would you find the people you exploded at and apologize or let it go?
tracy a. cross 