I Still Haven’t Found…

Patreon.

I love true crime shows. I hate to have to pay extra for bonus content. It was a bit of a lull in the New Year. Everyone wanted to take time off. Thus, to indulge my fix, I decided-Patreon, why not?

This is how it went. I’m not naming which podcasts I joined but I’ll tell you about their “extras”.

Podcast 1-A newer true crime podcast. Drops special extra shows every week, like on a Monday or something. I join at the lowest level (pandemic people!!)and I get the back catalog of all the extra shows. Now, there is another option (tier) where you get access to the bloodier, nastier shows. Yeah, well, I ain’t got that kind of money.

This one was worth it. All the shows were there. Enough bonus episodes to keep me swimming in it! Pictures! Great things. Then, the podcaster started having life problems. The podcasts became more courtroom broadcasts than podcast. The shows came less and less frequent. It’s like hitting refresh and hoping there’s something extra but it stays the same.

Crap.

Unsubscribe. Dude. You let me down.

Podcast 2-All this twosome talks about is how awesome their Patreon podcasts are. Why you need to get it and how there are so many extra episodes. Yay! Tier One-sign me up!

Their account was ass. It was just EVEN MORE CURSING and more of their personal opinions. They had bonus pictures, which were not worth it. I mean I could have googled that shit. Give me crime scene photos. Show me the bodies.

Then, the enticement…”Bbbut at our next level…you get more! And we are thinking about redoing older podcasts because we have newer information. Also, let’s talk about our families and have inside jokes that the audience doesn’t understand.

Y’all. Bye.

Podcast 3-I wanted this to work out because I have listened to every single case on this podcast. They don’t promote the Patreon as much BUT they will refund your money if you think the content didn’t match the extra you paid for. Alright!

Sadly, the bonus content were spin-off shows with family members crying and talking about how much they miss their dead or missing family members. I don’t have a problem with that BUT it’s just mourning and it’s the host pulling the most painful memories from the guests.

You have not heard crying until you’ve heard this. And then, you start crying as well. Do you feel like you’ve learned anything? Nah, people are dicks. Murderers deserve to burn in hell AND fry as soon as possible. Maybe give the family members the chance to do the switch pulling. It’s not like who would know who killed who. There are two switches so neither person knows who killed them.

Their bonus episodes were typed interviews, maybe an update but basically behind the curtain stuff.

Man, I’ve learned my lesson.

Podcast 4-Oh, this was a good one. No Patreon-at least that I know of-but there’s a YouTube page. If you remember the movie “Valley Girl”, like you will totally, like for real, gag me but totally dig this one. Sadly, no extras, just some kind of bizarre book club between episodes but they are doing more episodes.

And I don’t have to pay.

Now, since writing this, I’ve found another set of shows-okay, don’t you hate the series, where it’s like six episodes and that’s it? Well, that happened and I subscribed to the entire network. They have some really dark shows on there. I mean, one show where people talk about their personal experiences and between feeling shocked, angered or something, I want to give up faith in the human race. I like the show because it’s like, “Do you think you have problems? Have you ever been in a cult, numbness? How about lose days at a time of your life that you can’t remember? Yeah, fuck your life. Complain again and I’ll tell you about how I had to sacrifice my dog because someone needed to eat and we had no food in the middle of the desert.”

I’m going to give it a fair shake though. I’m hitting a point where everyone is back on the air, so maybe I can end up saving my paltry bucks for books instead.

Peace