Shocktober!

I watched a horror film a day in October. I’m thinking I’ve got some issues with cats but I’m not a sociopath. Yeah, I actually started a few days before October, but hey, let’s go:

This is the list-if you want more detail-look further down:

–The Entity (1982)

October 1-Spiral-Shudder (2020)

October 2-Welcome to Mercy on Hulu

October 3-Metamorphosis on Shudder (2019), Monsterland Ep 2 and 3

October 4-Antebellum on Pay on demand (2020)

October 5-Devil’s Gate on Netflix (2017)

October 6-Annabelle Comes Home on HBO Max (2019)

October 7-Slenderman on FX, Monsterland, Ep 4 and 5*

October 8-Final Destination 2 on IFC

October 9-Happy Death Day on FX (2017) and Truth or Dare (2018)

October 10-The Lie (2018) and anther two episodes of Monsterland…

October 11-Fear dot Com (2002) Amazon Prime

October 12-The Cleansing Hour (2020) on Shudder

October 13-17 The Haunting of Bly Manor

October 18-The Mortuary Collection

October 19-The Wretched

October 20-Gretel and Hansel

October 21-Nocturne

October 22-28 Days Later/28 Weeks Later

October 23-Insidious 3

October 24-The Exorcist: The Beginning

October 25-Two Minute Horror Stories (Hulu)

October 26-The Crazies

October 27-The Conjuring

October 28-Annabelle

October 29-Insidious 1 and 2

October 30-Halloween 1,2,3 and Sinister

October 31-Sinister 2, Goosebumps, Goosebumps 2

I will add a page with my reviews October 19-31 later

-I watched “The Entity” (1982). It was based on a true story about a woman being sexually assaulted by a spirit. I heard about this on a podcast and you know…down the rabbit hole I go. The movie was okay. The protagonist was annoying with her up and down emotions-I’ll accept this shit now. No, I won’t. Yes, I will. Ron Silver is in it, playing the type of guy that he does best-snarky asshole. I’d give it a thumbs up.

October 1-Today’s film-Spiral which is on Shudder. First, thanks Shudder for including a gay couple in the movie. It makes me nervous because there’s usually, almost never, ever any type of interpretation of gay relationships that doesn’t make me roll my eyes and stamp STEREOTYPE all over the film. This movie was strange because things were not what they seemed and time seemed very strange. Some unanswered questions, but it’s one of those movies that ends, then begins again. Thumbs up.

October 2-Welcome to Mercy (2018). Let’s see, this met the holy trinity plus of horror films for me: demonic possession (check), white haired Irish priest (check), nuns in old time costumes (check), everyone whispers (check). I forgot-stigmata (super check), dark atmosphere and scenery (mega check). And yet, I can’t tell you what the hell happened for an hour and a half. At first, I thought it was a mother trying to keep a demon from possessing her daughter. Then, they did the whole-maybe this is a dream or this is a memory. But I did call the devil and the island. It’s not my cuppa tea-this one. Meh.

Later that night-I watched Monsterland on Hulu. Season 1, Ep 1-Port Fourchon, La. (2020) Did you ever watch a movie (The Descent) that should have ended sooner (The Descent) but didn’t (High Tension) and left you feeling incomplete? That’s Monsterland. The first episode involved a waitress trying to get away from her child and life but she has no choice and she can’t. There’s a butcher killer and a lot of freaky stuff. I was describing it to my dad and it was good good good then sucked. I didn’t like the ending at all. It moved along nicely, then, it ended. This gets a Meh. I was hoping I could watch a few more and it gets better. Sadly, it does not.

October 3-Metamorphosis (2019) Shudder. Holy crap! What a great movie! It was all about possession and it did not fit into the American parameters of Catholicism. The best part is when they had priests from all over the world-including India! talking about exorcisms! They even spoke Latin (which made me think I understood an exorcism because I speak Spanish and French. Duh.). It was a great Korean movie where a priest fails at an exorcism and goes off into self imposed exile. The demon tells him that it is going to wreck havoc on his entire family and kill them all. Next thing, the demon invades the priests family. What? It’s a body jumping demon and crazy shit happens. This movie keeps you guessing because when you sit back on the couch like, “You know what, I’m gonna let this shit wash over me, it feels like everything is okay…” THEN IT’S NOT!! This is what I’m talking about! I want demons and priests with unshakable faith, hell there was even some slaughtered goats and chickens. Looked like a bad voodoo ritual or something, but I was super fascinated and I give it two thumbs up.

Later that day-I went back to Monsterland. Ep 2 and Ep 3. Let’s talk, Ep 2 Eugene, Oregon-The protagonist looked like he was born with a scowl on his face. Even when he smiled, it looked evil. Mom had a stroke and he’s lying to her because he has to get a job to pay for her medication. It’s not that he resents his mother, he resents his father for leaving and taking all the opportunity with him. Trust me. No big loss in plot. He is a gamer without friends and his mother is pretty much his life now. One night while he’s playing a game a shadow appears in a corner of his room and has a mind of its own. He takes pictures and posts it and meets a group of these shadow hunters that tell him about the secret army of shadows that’s causing lives to be shit. Which is really insane and feels like the shadow was supposed to represent insanity or something.

Now, this goes on for so long that it feels like a movie. Several other plot points are introduced and then it ends. Plot points unresolved. We never find out if this guy is crazy or not. I guess it’s supposed to be some kind of artsy ending, but it’s frustrating because you think, “Oh, well, we’ll see what happ—what the fuck?” Thumbs down.

I felt the need to torture myself even further and watched Episode 3-New Orleans, Louisiana. Here’s the description-A New Orleans socialite wrestles with her past. Here’s what happened-not that. It felt like someone went to New Orleans and put in what they thought New Orleans was about but not really. (I recall going to the movies with my sister once and we were talking after it was over. I said, “What’d you think?” Knowing we both were confused and didn’t like the movie as much as we thought. She smacks her lips twice and says, “If this movie were cheese, it would be Velveeta.” That sums up how I felt about this episode.) Once again, plot points and characters are introduced but we only see things through the protagonist. We don’t get to hear the other side of phone calls. Her husband admits to doing something that’s so wrong, I was actually shocked when he said, “I did it. I need help.” A woman-maybe publicist?-takes him away and he never comes back. The son tries to explain stuff to Mom and how she ignored the problem. He even tells her that HE told mom the dad had a problem and Mom is too busy asking about a demon. “What’s the demon look like?” Then, it all goes to shit and she ends up following someone down a street and is surrounded by the devil’s band. Yeah. At this point, I feel like I’m being tested. Meh but leaning towards thumbs down.

October 4-Antibellum (2020) Pay on demand. I thought this movies was going to be a cheap rehash of “Kindred” by Octavia Butler. Oh noooo….it was worse. It was so much worse because this shit could really happen now. Felt like Jordan Peele lite. I’m happy that there were a lot of black faces and a lot of folks that were like, “Fuck this, I’m going to do x.” Sadly, white people ruin everything again and y happens. And “y” is not pretty. It’s downright wrong. (Note to Jena Malone-please stop taking roles that make me hate you. I really like you. I want to like you. But, once again, I hated you and your ending was moderately appropriate.) If there had been more deaths committed by X towards Y, then this would get a thumbs up. Right now, it gets a meh.

October 5-Devil’s Gate (2017) Netflix. This is one of those movies where you have seen everyone in something else. Let me save you the time: Shawn Ashmore-Iceman/The Boys, Milo Ventimiglia-Heroes and whatever else, Amanda Schull-12 Monkeys/Suits, Bridget Regan-she just looks like someone else, Jonathan Frakes-Star Trek Picard/Roswell. I think that covers it. What we have here is a movie with a religious zealot whose wife and child are missing, he lives on land that nothing grows on and if you get anywhere near it, all electricity is sucked out. Dude seems real crazy with his killing inventions and his religious yellings until you see what’s in the basement. Then, the whole movie changes. All I’m going to say is that this was pretty good and the little boy at the end looks more like an adult than child. Thumbs up.

October 6-Annabelle Comes Home (2019) HBO-Max. Okay, I had a discussion with my kid today. You’ll see. I said, “If I tell you that the door over there is locked and you should never go inside, would you go inside?” She said no. I said, “Okay, if I’m not here and your cousins are here and one of them wants to go inside, would you say no or what?” She said she would say that her mom said no.

Now that we’ve got this cleared up. If you hear a rumor about the freaky girl with the freaky parents at school, why would you root through their house, find a key and release all the demons of hell. Then, pretend you had nothing to do with it and try to leave. BUT!! You discover that not only can you see the demons, but the babysitter’s boyfriend can see them too! I smell a sequel or something…a new team up. Anyway, this was good for some scares, but I do think that Ed & Lorraine Warren deserve a full chapter book on all the shit in their homeseum or something. The objects were more interesting than the movie!!

So, if your cousins come over-or a friend of a friend-and wants to Scooby Doo search some shit, just say no. You may open the door to hell and even after you put it back and seal off the beasts, you forgot to tell your mom that the priest needs to come rebless the entire FUCKING ROOM AND ALL THE UNHOLY OBJECTS. It may seem catty, but thumbs up. I liked it.

October 7-Slenderman-which will get no love from me. The entire fucking movie was so dark AND I kept falling asleep on it. Double thumbs down.

October 7-Monsterland Episode 4-New York, New York-Finally a really great fucking episode. I swear, it had the trifecta-possession, demons and a cynic. Oh, if this shit could happen in real life, we would be looking at climate change a lot different.

Episode 5-Plainfield, Illinois-another good but strange episode. You ever think something is supposed to represent something else? Yeah. Two chicks start out debating each other and end up falling in love. Only one of them is mentally ill. She has bipolar schizophrenia with manic episodes…and tries to break up with her girl. But home girl was not having it. I never really found out if she had a job at one point or the chick was making enough for them both, but, eh, it’s a winner! Thumbs up!

October 8-Final Destination 2-I have to say, I love these cheesy movies. Whenever one is on, I have to stop, drop and watch. I don’t understand why they named the girl Clear…but this is one of the good ones. And every time they say “Kalargian”, drink up. It gets pretty fun near the end.

October 9-Happy Death Day and Truth or Dare-Don’t hate me. My brain needed a break. These are my go to movies that I can watch with my kid around (on tv and sans sex). She doesn’t pay attention, but I think they are fun. Also, if you really look at it, the plots are kinda intricate and need research, not like a complete no brainer. I can appreciate that.

October 10-The Lie is part of the Blumhouse series on Amazon. I thought it was horror, but it was more of a hate watch. I don’t know why I despise Joey King, but jeez…she is just the worst kind of annoying. No matter where I see her or what I see her in, she is insufferable. Now, it could be that she picks these kinds of roles but I am going to say this-those kids pulled a trick that had a lot of fucking fallout. And if that was my kid, oh, they would be super dead. Monsterland has gotten better now that I know I’m supposed to figure out who is the monster in each episode. The Palacios, Texas episode had a mermaid. The Iron River, Michigan episode put me to sleep four times. Four.

October 12-Shudder has not let me down! I promise to devote more time to you if you keep putting out such quality stuff, like-The Cleansing Hour. Two friends host fake exorcisms on the internet until one day shit gets out of hand. That’s the gist. The ending is mwah! Chef’s kiss! A little like Brightburn, but I liked it. Double thumbs up.

October 13-The Haunting of Bly Manor-I know that I legit watched more horror but I’m not sure it’s classified as horror. I decided to give this the old try and make it a miniseries. The good news-some jump scares, stories that flow and everyone from Season One is in here. The bad news-Hardly any ghosts! As compared to the first one, there are less ghosts. Now they could make for the ghosts with the level of afterlife anger, but hey. More bad news-oh these damn accents were everywhere. I get it’s England but you have character A who sounds like they are doing all the British accents together, there’s a Scot in there and it was very off. It’s like if Groundskeeper Willie was less Scottish and more leprechaun, the kids are annoying, but many the accents. Then, when you find out who character A is, you’re thinking, “They could not have let these people get together and practice? You’ve got real Brits, then you have Americans destroying the accent. I apologize Great Britain.

October 18-The Mortuary Collection on Shudder. It bears repeating but they win the Halloween movie contest hands down. This was a collection of stories and after the first one, I thought, “Oh this is some Nickelodeon shit.” Then, the second story starts with a guy giving out condoms. The third story is about marriage. The fourth (and best) story is about a babysitter that will do anything to keep the kid safe. The fifth story ends the timeline and the sixth story brings us back to the now. They really like to scream in this movie. You have been warned.