Let’s Talk About Murder and Stuff

I think I am a crime junkie. I get upset when the ID Network takes cases they have already covered and redo them. Like put on a new dress and different make up and you get a third into it only to realize you’ve seen this. And now you’re pissed because they took up your time.

I have a Spotify Premium subscription and I think my kid enjoys it more than me. But, there comes a time either Saturday or Sunday, I am out of stuff to listen to. Like a junkie, I’m whipping through podcasts and I’ll tell you, this is what I hate: talking.

There was one podcast about an alleged haunted house. The three people laughed and whatnot for ten fucking minutes. Yo! It was a thirty minute podcast-wtf?! Yeah, I was pissed. You missed out on ten minutes I could have been peeing myself but noooo.

When will they learn that no one gives a shit about the ten-fifteen minute banter at the beginning. Because I love the three of you, I have suffered enough and listened to a bunch of crime podcasts (and supernatural) and these are some favorites:

Hey, let’s shake on it. Yeah, these are the hands of a killer.

In no particular order, but with some subtle info:

Crime Culture (their website is awesome because it goes into neurotic detail, which is what I do after I listen to a podcast.)

True Crime Garage (starts with a beer, has lots of side discussion and these guys are from Ohio. I’m not biased but hey…j

The Minds of Madness ( host has a very comforting voice)

Cults on Parcast Network (okay, they give you background on the cult leaders and cults. Drink a beer when you get to the a-ha moment when the cult leader is like, “I’m so fucking drunk on power. Nothing can stop me now!”)

Rotten Mango (honestly, her voice is annoying and sometimes she drifts from the mic. Her boyfriend gives a true reaction and spends most of the show gasping but, hey-it’s good. The Dildo Submarine Murder is theee best episode.)

Park Predators (I don’t go camping and guess what?! I’m not going camping after listening to this show.)

Serial Killers (See if you can find the three things that make a serial killer: setting fires, wetting the bed and killing animals. Drink when they mention one each. Lots of background info on the killers. They overstate that the chick on the show is not a psychologist. Yep, sometimes she gets it WRONG)

Crime Junkie (I think this started out in Indiana and branches out everywhere. These chicks get scared sometimes and you do too! They played a 911 call where the girl was being held hostage…full body chills.)

Crimes of Passion ( the things people do for love or money or both. There is no person so good that I would kill for them. I mean, I’m asexual anyway, but I’m just saying.)

Female Criminals (yeah, I’m all up in the Parcast podcasts. This one has some of the most heartless and evil women I’ve ever listened to. I feel like there is a “Crimes of Passion” crossover)

Sword and Scale ( do you wanna hear a guy with the driest voice ever? Add a dose of sarcasm and you’ve got it. He plays lots of recordings, which can be garbled at times.)

Casefile (okay…just whoa…Casey and his Australian accent will scare the shit out of you. Then you realize most of these crimes are in Australia and it’s like how many actual people live here because they have a bunch of sick crimes that happen. But the episodes are well researched and I love how he says, “Seek help at you local crisis cent-ah”)

I guess I need to give an honorable mention to The Last Podcast On the Left but they got a bit chatty. I will listen to it once in awhile but I can only take so many ball/shit/weed jokes.

Go forth and be anti social. I listened to most of these in the before times. You know Pre Pandemic, when I’d have to catch the bus or walk around the GW University Campus looking spaced out.

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